(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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