How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
