We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
