We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
