i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
