I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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