How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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