I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
