I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
