Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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