dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
