My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
