Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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