When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.