Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL