Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'