i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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