I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.