and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her