found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
