If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You are the jesus of drinking
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
