there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
