Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I had to cum in my sink.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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