Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
