Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
