god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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