He kissed a someone with a penis
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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