I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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