You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
