i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
