wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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