If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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