god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
