So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
