I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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