i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
