Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
