All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
3 2 1 whiskey
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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