After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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