tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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