Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
