I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
