Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
