After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
