Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
