I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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