I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
