I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
