Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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