Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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