Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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