Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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