I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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