Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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