i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
