I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize