these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
