I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
