So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
