i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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