My liver just broke up with me...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
