Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
