so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
