Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
