did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
