So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
