did you get engaged???
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
