So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
