I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
