after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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