Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize