Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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