i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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