If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
