i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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