well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
