so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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